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3. When is enough, enough?

I know that everyone's out fishing and this is probably a bad time to start a new thread, but...I have a problem.

I carry way too much stuff in my vest! To the point that friends I fish with blame it and it alone for my two back surgeries...Never mind the hereditary degenerative disk disease and playing ice hockey up until 2003.

I finally started to agree with my friends when I was preparing for this last trip to the Au Sable last week. I have been doing some serious tying over the winter and bought a few new boxes to accommidate them and realised I had no more actual pockets left open on my vest for them! I started to stow the extras in the zippered back pocket...

The damn thing weighs a ton! I have two Wheatley's that carry the primo dry flies for the trip...You have seen my nymph box, but there's a floating nymph box, a box or two of stones, caddis, midges (this shouldn't be such a problem, eh?!), I left the teresstrial box back in the room and angst over it because of all the ants I saw while out fishing. Then there's the "experimental" boxes...These were thought up for exact situations that may never actually come up...Example this year was a "secret" fly to cover Brown Drakes stuck in their shucks only to find weather contitions so good the actual emergence seemed almost effortless...

I once went to Montana extremely well prepared with hundreds of beautifilly tied flies only to find out a caddis pattern I had may have been the only fly I actually needed...Give or take.

The last month of May can be a bear for a devoted "match-the-hatcher"! I have fished this same week for 20+ years and I know what I may find, but herein lies the problem...I know what I "might" find!

I know also that I will be fishing after dark so I have a couple lights, bug dope (enough to be classified a Super Fund clean up site), floatants, my pipe and tobac to help keep the biting flies away, some water, some GORP, no rain coat needed this time, two small seine nets, now a small camera, a long sleeved shirt for after dark and it cools down, sun glasses & regular glasses for after dark, and all the little gadgets hanging from the front of my vest...scissors, snips, hemos, net etc...etc!

Somebody help me before I fall over and can't stand back up and drown! I have been thinking of a system where I carry a much more limited number of fly boxes somehow and carry extra replacements in some other system back in the room...I have seen more guys using those new light weight vests by FishPond etc...

Any ideas would be appreciated!!! Does anyone else have it as bad as me or am I over the top carrying something to cover every possible stage of a poor mayfly's life! Not just a mayfly, but invaria, dorothea, vicarium, simulans, tricaudatus, adoptiva, rapidus...etc, etc, etc! Is there a withdraw program for old-school match-the-hatchers? It was all Ernie's fault!

Help!!!

Spence

Nice touch, Spence. Blame you obsessive behavior on someone who is no longer around to defend himself. It's unlikely you would ever be happy as a minimalist, so I would suggest you explore other options. How about one of those back-support wading belts? Have you ever tried one of them?

"Nice touch, Spence. Blame you obsessive behavior on someone who is no longer around to defend himself."

Ok Roger...Could we maybe agree that Ernie was an "enabler" at least?

I have used the supports and had an elastic one for hockey...Since they fused me up I've been fine, but I think a method to my madness may be my first step to recovery.

The "minimalist" comment of yours is going to cause a roar of laughter on this site! It's well understood here that Spence has no concept of what that word even means...He, he! We have tried to rein him in before with threads comparing his ramblings to Tolstoy and wishing he could be more like e. e. cummings...

Thanks!

Spence

I'm can't believe you've only had 2 back surgeries.

My back use to hurt something terrible, to the point of back spasisms, one of which dropped me in the middle of a stream when it hit. I fished with a super tac-l-pac vest from Orvis stuffed to the gills with stuff and a chest box with 5 trays during "match the hatch" season.

The solution: Chapman Artist's bag. Pretty much waterproof for those deep wading times and rain. Holds a ton of stuff.

APPARENTLY I CAN'T POST A PICTURE HERE. GRRRR!

I can carry way more (usually do) than I did in my vest and my back never hurts like it did. Also to cut down on weight, I'd suggest the all foam fly boxes instead of metal ones. Super light, you won't believe the difference. There's also the suggestion not to carry so much stuff.

Well, maybe.

Man! Did I walk in to this eyes wide shut! The two more serious "science types" on this site are auditioning for a job in stand-up...

I guess you two are just trying to tell me I need more serious help from a trained professional because it sounds like the obsessed are leading the obsessed here...It's like asking a junkie to help another junkie when both are in denial and don't see that there's any problem here..."What you talking about, man?! We cool..."

The one fly concept is tempting though. Why can't I just say to myself..."I'm here today with what I've got and you trout are going to have to like it"?

Most of the guys were using searhing flies last week...A Brown Drake or the "Mattress Thrasher" to cover the Yellow-Throated stone...The (Helopicus nalatus) I photographed...

After listing everything I have in my vest I actually got there with the wrong stone fly box...I purchased a few of the MT's from the shop and the deer hair wing was so full it looked like a barber's shaving cream brush! I was tossing it up against the lumber in the dark shady places and kept saying to myself, "It's too damn bushy! Trim it some or put it away." Everytime I nearly changed the fly I would roll a fish under it.

I came to a place that I know holds some nice fish and ran it along a log and probaly the fish of my weeks fishing took it and charged towards an underwater limb...I had 4x on and gave him a little muscle and the fly came flying at me and ended up at the very top of a tag alder behind me...After a few words and restraining myself from smashing my rod I gave it a little shake...It was so damn bushy it dropped from where I couldn't reach it to a lower branch where i could...I'm so happy I don't fish with someone with a video camera!

Take Care! Thanks to the "Martin & Lewis" tag team for their help and support!

Spence

Whacha talkn bout there, matey?

Whacha talkn bout there, matey?

I don't know, Roger. We may have to accept the serious "science types" label, but I'm laughing my ass off right now.

you could also add a waist/fanny pack to store some of your stuff instead of a wading belt. then in your waders you could have an index card telling you where all of your stuff is and then by the time you get the right fly the hatch will be over and you could go on to the next pool which will only be a hundred yards away but will take you an hour to reach after you remember where you left the artist's pack and picked up all of your fly boxes and put them away and realize that your fanny pack is on upside down and that crotch itch is actually your spare seine and you dropped your new camera in the river and you put your head in to find it and your spare headlamp fell off and your extra clothes got wet. you could become the first "almost but not fast enough hatch matcher" you can have the right fly but just can't remember where you stowed it...
how about an external frame back pack for that spare rod and 2 extra reels and the streamside tying kit just in case you don't have the exact color thorax on your hex's.wait a minute - why not just employ a sherpa to lug your stuff along and net your fish. then he could certainly carry your tent and boxed lunch...
sorry, spence . i just had to have fun at your expense.

I think Tony's onto something with the sherpa idea, Spence. I'd even volunteer for the duty if I could get away and you'd show me around the Au Sable.

Ok guys! You are all a hoot...

Tony I like this sherpa idea too! You got me thinking...It may not help me (us) with my (our) obsessional problem, but how about pack mules? I can't figure out how to prevent them from silting up the water downstream but who knows...

I have recently hassled the folks at my local Speedway when I realized I had to run a maze to get to the counter...The marketing folks want me running in to all their displays from the cooler to the counter...I may grab a hot dog, slurpy, or a slice of pizza.

What if we just sat up little fly shops on each bend in the river? We won't have to carry anything! As you arrive at the mini fly shop they will check your leader for abrasions or kinks. Maybe change your fly. Offer you a refreshment...Smash down the barb on your fly for those sensitive to the tender lips of salmonids...Clean your sun glasses...Refill your little Gink container...etc. I may even be offered a job there, or other old-farts like myself (maybe Matt), who will squalk, for your benefit, about how good the "good old days" were when there were fish in this river and men were men...

I really didn't want this thread to go in this direction, though I understand there was a little humor in my original post, but it was those two "bug boys", Gonzo & Taxon, who drove this old Buick off the road and in to the ditch! And that "Gutcutting" doctor from Pittsburgh wasn't watching the road either...He was probably driving and tying something on a size 32 hook at the same time...

Oh well! Problem not solved...Time for bed Trout Nuts...Sweet dreams of wild streams!

Spence

PS Along the fly fishing marketing thread here...Once my good friend and I were sitting on the bank, in the old British gentlemen's style, waiting in a sporting fashion for the feed to comense...He farted (We had breakfast earlier that morning at the Grayling Restaurant). He wondered aloud if we should develop an air freshener that would hang down inside from the lip of your waders to mitigate the side effects for fellow anglers of the dreaded wader fart...Any buyers out there? Hey it's just one more thing among many that we carry and won't take up any room in your vest!

Spence,
A solution, I don't know, but I suggest you prepare certain boxes which carry flies for specific times of the year. Some patterns are not needed all year long, that way you will not carry those when not needed. This eliminates some of what you carry. To compensate a little, also set aside one small box as an "odd box" where you might carry a few odd flies you think you might need, but aren't sure.

Purchase a few large compartment boxes to store in your vehicle or at camp where you carry the un-needed flies. That way if for some reason you DO require an specific fly, you'll have access to it.

Now, when I go on a trip in addition to my tying supplies, I have a huge compartment box, which is added to throughout the year's tying sessions, that carries a large selection of flies. If needed, they are there, and I often share these with those I fish with.

Purchase an old station wagon or similar and fully equip it with everything you need for an outing. I'm sure you remember Travers' "Buckshot". Time you got a "Fish Car", too.

I guess we all have our excesses!
Mark

Does Mark's (excellent) advice sound vaguely familiar, Spence?


A little humor? Spence, I read your post to my wife and she nearly fell off the couch from laughing so hard! Sorry pal, but that old Buick was headed for the ditch well before Roger or I grabbed the wheel.

Spence, I have an idea for ya. Get yourself a fly caddy. A big kid on summer break to carry all your flies, floatant, leaders, net, snippers, even your new SD1300 IS camera. Then you can just turn to him and say "I think for this fish I need a #14 ....", and he will immediately replace your fly. He will net your fish and take your hero fish shots too. If you fart in your waders he will have a can of air freshener to make sure you keep smelling fresh. You will be lighter and more energetic, but happy knowing right behind you are all your gazillion flies and other miscellaneous stuff, just in case you need them. No more worries about what you left behind.

Also, since kids are really good with cell phones, you could have him send text messages and photos to the "bug boys" for instant, positive ID'ing of bugs while you are on the stream. What else could a guy want?

Ernie would be proud!


I think Gonzo is volunteering to be your fly caddy. Then you would have "bug boy" and fly caddy all in one.

"Spence, I have an idea for ya. Get yourself a fly caddy. A big kid on summer break to carry all your flies, floatant, leaders, net, snippers, even your new SD1300 IS camera. Then you can just turn to him and say "I think for this fish I need a #14 ....", and he will immediately replace your fly. He will net your fish and take your hero fish shots too. If you fart in your waders he will have a can of air freshener to make sure you keep smelling fresh. You will be lighter and more energetic, but happy knowing right behind you are all your gazillion flies and other miscellaneous stuff, just in case you need them. No more worries about what you left behind."


Isn't this what a guide is for?

No, we're talking cheap. A guide costs $300 - $400 per day. Spence don't need no guide, he just needs a fly caddy.

We've had some pretty funny threads before, but this is, by far, the most hilarious ever. I'm laughing too hard to even think of adding anything beyond a brief note of appreciation. Thanks guys!

"... he just needs a fly caddy."

Exactly, a guide.

B.J.

While a guide performs many of these functions (though I have yet to see one spray air freshener into anyone's waders) a fly caddy as John envisions it would be lacking in any real or pretended expertise about fly fishing itself, or the stream in question. What the fly caddy would know is the location of the various flies and other accoutrements needed. He (or she) would also need to know a variety of knots. Of course, golf caddies vary in their own abilities and knowledge, from big dumb kids who can barely tell one club from another to aspiring golfers who may know the game and a course well enough to give advice. John is suggesting the former as a model for a fly caddy solely, I believe, on the basis of price, assuming that Spence, like most of us, is rather frugal. Now, John may be wrong, and Spence may have the wherewithal and inclination to actually hire a guide for each trip. Only Spence can determine that, I suppose.